WHITE WATER PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE
"AND, FOR THE THIRD TIME IN THIS SPEECH, I SWEAR BY A GOD SOMEWHERE WHO IS NOT FOCUSED ON THIS PARTICULARLY CEASARISTIC SPEECH, THAT EVEN THOUGH I DO PERCEIVE MYSELF AS THE DECEITFUL BLONDE QUEEN THAT I AM, LIKE MY HUSBAND IS, THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO WORRY ABOUT! TRUST ME, WE WILL BEGIN TO PLAN SOMETHING AS SOON AS WE GET YOUR VOTE!! THANK YOU, AND DON'T FORGET, KEEP YOUR PLASTIC FORKS FOR THE NEXT $5000-A-PLATE DINNER."
PRIME PRIMITIVE POLITBURO CANDIDATES
"HELL, BITCH! I THOUGHT YOU JUST NEEDED A DAMNED OLE' RUNNING MATE, NOT SEASONED FAST FOOD SERVICE! WHAT UP GUILTORY, OR SHALL I CALL YOU QUEEN HICKTORIA?!!" "OH, COME ON PAJAMA BAMA, YOU AND LITTLE OLE' ME, AND THE FULL MOON. I MEAN, GODDAMMIT! AM I THAT HORRIBLE A CREATURE WHEN THE SUN SHINES ON THE ROSE GARDEN? HAVE I BEANED YOU WITH A MING VASE AT FIFTY YARDS YET?"
BEHIND THE SCENES OF THE SEQUEL, "THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST WING"
"HOLLYWOOD MONGRELS ARE BANKING ON HICKORY ROADHAM'S THIRTY-ONE PERSONALITY CHANGES THAT COINCIDES WITH MOON PHASES. BASED ON SCIENTOLOGY RESEARCH, HER PERFORMANCE SHOULD BREAK ALL RECORDS OF DECEIT, BARELY EDGING OUT HER ROADKILL MANAGER, BILGE CLINTON, AND RAKE IN ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY A MATCHING LIBRARY, DAN LATHER REPORTING."
CAULDRON EXPLOSION BAFFLES AIR FORCE
"IT'S POSITIVELY A MIXTURE OF METHYL MERCURIC HYDROGEN SULFIDE, GLOBAL WARMING JELLYFISH RADIATION, MUTANT MOAT TOAD URINE AND TONS OF HATE MAIL INK IN THE TOXIC MOAT WATER! DAN LATHER REPORTING."
COME ON IN, THE MOAT WATER'S FINE!
"THAT CROCODILE SUNDEE DUNGEON SUIT COST ME FOUR THOUSAND BUCKS, SO DON'T GET BITTEN!" "OKAY, ROSI. GET THE HIGH-HEELED FINS I BROUGHT YOU. IT'LL BE EASIER TO CATCH THE CROCS FOR HABANERO JERKEY SNACKS. THEY'RE REAL HOT!"
54M MOAT TSUNAMI KILLS 20 REPORTERS
"HUNDREDS MISSING INCLUDING THREE HUNDRED ILLEGAL ALIENS WHO ARRIVED YESTERDAY FOR AMNESTY AND MOAT CLEANING. PARIS HILT'EM CLAIMS ROSIWELL OH,DONALD! WAS JUST TRYING OUT NEW HIGH HEELS. DAN LATHER, REPORTING."
PARIS HILT'EM 54M DUNGEON INN BUTTIQUE
"HELLO, PARIS, THIS IS ROSIWELL, LOVE THE NEOPRENE BLACK. SAVE A PAIR FOR ME, SIZE 13, NO, DAT'S DA WIDTH, DAMMIT!!"
INCIDENT AT ROSIWELL - AREA 54,000
"I SWEAR TO YOU ADMIRAL!! SAW THE BLOODY BEAST WIT ME OWN BLEEDING EYE! THE SHIP SURFED ATOP THE WAVE AT FIFTY KNOTS, SIR!! AND THROUGH THE GREEN MUCK I SAW THE MONSTER GRAB CROCODILIANS AT WILL AND GATHER'EM UP IN HEAPS IN THE COVE BEACH! AYE, SIR!"
LEGENDARY SEA MONSTER THERAPIST
"ADMIRAL von BLOGUE, SIR! YOUR ANCESTOR'S PAINTING IN YOUR QUARTERS IS THE ONLY SURVIVING PIECE, SIR! AYE, NOT NARY AS MUCH AS A DROP OF MOAT WATER DID IT HAVE UPON IT, SIR!"
COMMANDER'S LOG - SCARDATE 1659
"THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE CLIPPER SHIP 'SLENDER THIGHS'. ITS FIVE YEAR MISSION, TO SEEK OUT NEW NIGHTLIFE, NEW MANIFESTATIONS. TO BATTLE SEA MONSTERS, SCOURGE, INFLICT WILL, PAIN, SUFFERING, RELIGION AND DISEASE UPON THOSE IN NEW LANDS. TO BRASHLY GO WHERE NO FOOL HAS GONE BEFORE!"
LEX TELIONUS GALLAXY ICU
BIG BROTHER, CAN YOU SPARE MORE CRIME? - PAID FOR BY HICKORY ROADHAM CLINTON - EYE FOR AN EYE, AND ONE ON YOUR INCOME - HAMURABI CODE - VOTE DEMOCRATIC, SUCKERS!
THE PARROT DALI-MATIONS VIEW
"DREAM OF THE PARODIES - DALI WANT A CRACKER, MY CHERI?"
GALATEA OF THE SPHERES - 1952 - S. DALI
"WORLDS WITHIN WORLDS, AMEN - BEYOND THE HIZA THEORY"
ASTRONOMER, PHYSICIST, ELUCIDATER, EXPLORER, REVOLUTIONARY PROGRESSIVE
"THE CANVUS INSCRIPTION READS, 'TEA TIME FOR TWO, WELL, MAKE IT ONE. THE AUBURN SCALP I'M WEARING BELONGED TO THIS HEAD-HUNTING CARPETBAGGER FROM ILLINOIS BY THE NAME OF PACKEMIN PHASTER ROADHAM I'. HICKORY IS HIS DIRECT DESCENDANT ACCORDING TO DAN LATHER'S GREAT,GREAT GRANDFATHER". "AYE, ADMIRAL, 'TIS A BIT SCARY, WITH ME ONLY BLOODY EYE, I SEE IT, SIR, AYE."
TALIBAN WAR CONCERTO IN SAND MAJOR
"HEY, KRAPDULE, WE PLAY ONE MORE FOR OLD TIMES? ONLY ONE."
PROFIT MUDHAMMAD -- sales@snakeoil.bomb
"HEYZEUS, YOUR DADDY'S GONNA BE PISSED IF YOU LET OLE SNAKE OIL AL GET IN THE HEN HOUSE, DAMMIT!!"
THY WILL BE DONE - WELL DONE!
"BUT DEESE SWORD EESE FOR MY 72 VIRGIN OIL SHEIKABOB RECIPE, MY FRIEND, I SWEAR TO YOU, A TRUE GOD. I'LL CHANGE MY NAME! ANYTHING! PLEASE GOD!!!"
MISTRESS BEAKER CALLS HOUSE TO ORDER
"SUE ROSIWELL OH,DONALD! FOR INALIENABLE VISITATION RIGHTS TO OUR ILLEGAL ALIEN BABY, BISARATOPS, YESTERDAY AT HIGH MOON FMT(FALLOPIAN MEANIES TIME), IMMEDIATELY!!"
THE SAINT JACK DECIPHERING CODES
"WELL SON, WE PUMPED OUT THE PARISH, BUT EVEN WITH THAT NEW ANTI-MATTER-PROPELLED 2000-CYLINDER HAZZARDSUKI, WE STILL CAN'T PUMP OUT LOGA'S HOLE . I GIVE UP, YOU KEEP TRYIN', ANCHOVIE."
FALLOPIAN GALLAXY TRANSFORMERETTE
"THIS IS ROSIWELL OH,DONALD! AGAIN, SEND ELKSA, HER TWO RACKS AND HER SISTER BACK OVER TO 54M, OH YEAH, AND ANOTHER CASE OF ELIPTITUBE LITHIUM-BASED FRAGRANT BEARING GREASE, PRONTO. PUT IT ON MY TAB."
PARIS HILT'EM CELLMATE, HESHEEBA OSAUNA PLUKEDULE
"HOW COME ZEY DEEDN'T FIND ZEES DURING YOUR BOTAMLEESE CLAVICLE SEARCH, MON PARI? EESE LEAK LIKE A SEWER SIEVE!"
DON'T CRY FOR ME, VELVEETA!! #X{[($$)]}!! WAIT 'TIL I GET MY HANES ON YOU, LEZBETH HACKLESBERRY!!
![DON'T CRY FOR ME, VELVEETA!! #X{[($$)]}!! WAIT 'TIL I GET MY HANES ON YOU, LEZBETH HACKLESBERRY!!](http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger2/8041/696217013832487/692/z/91586/gse_multipart26419.jpg)
SPACED FOR RENT! TWELVE HECTARES OF DESERTED PLUMMAGE.
ROSIWELL OH,DONALD! GIVES BIRTH TO 178LB 9OZ ALIEN!!
BISARATOPS OH,DONALD! -- ROSIWELL INCIDENT AT AREA 54,000
MEGATOT BITECH MULCH & DEHYDRATION CO.
"YES, MISS OH,DONALD!, WE DELIVER AND IT IS ALSO AN EXPRESSO MACHINE AND JERKY DEHYDRATOR, A HAY BAILER AND HIDE TANNER. MAY I GET AN AUTOGRAPH FOR MY WIFE, PLEASE?"
WEEKEND CAMPING TRIP PREPARATION
"GET THAT END WITH THE CRANE, I'LL LIFT THIS END. ELLEN, JUST BACK THE TRUCK UNDERNEATH SO I CAN GO TO THE DUNGEON AND FINISH PACKING MORE GROCERIES."
FLESH PUDDLE WITH CURTAIN DRAWN
"MIRROR, MIRROR, OFF THE WALL . . .
"WHY IN DAMNATION AND HELL DO YOU KEEP CRACKING!?!"
ZOOLOGISTS FLOCK TO ROSI'S MOAT
"WHADDAYA MEAN YA'LL WANT YOUR MONEY BACK, HELL, YA BEEN EAT'NUM SINCE LAST MONTH! NOW GET OUTTA HEYA, DAMMIT!!"
UNSPECIFIED , UNCHARTED AND UNKNOWN MOAT REGION - AREA 54M
"ADMIRAL, RECONNAISSANCE REPORTS THREE MORE ISLANDS DUE WEST OF THIS ONE, SIR. THEY DISCOVERED A RECESSED MESOZOIC VOLCANO CAP THAT WOULD ACCOMODATE OUR BASE AND YOUR STUDIO, SIR. THE MOAT SEEMS TO BE EXPANDING, SIR." "GOOD WORK, KIRK, THE GPS SYSTEM IS PROBABLY GETTING FALSE SIGNALS FROM LAST WEEK'S SOLAR FLARES INTERACTING WITH THE MOAT'S CHEMICAL COMPOSITION AND ROSI'S NUCLEAR TOILET FLUSH EARLIER. SET UP THE STUDIO FIRST." "AYE, SIR!"
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Monday, August 6, 2007
Saturday, August 4, 2007
HICKORY CHANGES NAME TO "GUILTORY!"--WASHINGTON, Displaying complete defiance and utterly despicable compliance with the seventy-eight-1/2 countries' constitutional-law-change epidemic which recently banned the name "Hillary", including communistic, sardonically hedonistic, and seventh-century, fifth-dimensional countries, Hickory Roadham Clinton instantly had her name changed to "Guiltory" when major stock markets hit White Water Rapids and rock bottom. In these cultures, one severe insult is to cause a family, or in this case, entire countries, to lose face. Hickory's prevaricated deceitful public performances wearing traditionally Eastern attire has been a virtual slap in the face to these cultures as she has yet to be held accountable for her fiction-laden, demagoguery-based, rable-rousing platform that continues worldwide.
The scadalous "just move" moniker tactic now allows her to enter each of the riot-riddled countries legally to avoid persecution by those who remember her visits during her first eight years as dictator of the Islahamic-infested United States of America and Arkansas.
When told by the Japanese Nikki's Gone Wild Stock Market Chairman, Yenzi Frenzi, that she "was no Jack Kennedy and neither was Big Blunt Wiley, her apron-sporting spouse", she cackled and spouted, "Evidently you don't read the Enquirer very often!", and handed him a copy with her notorious smirk on the cover.
The furious crowd, having lost everything, including their patience, pelted the envoy with live fish and burned their Nehru jackets in protest as she pulled her stretched oxcart through the blazing streets at breakneck speeds mowing people down screaming, "HANG ON HONEY!! I KNOW A SHORTCUT!"
Her official statement later was, "The visit was successful and the sushi better than ever. We toured the countryside but really didn't have the time we really needed. You know campaigning can be hectic at times".
The scadalous "just move" moniker tactic now allows her to enter each of the riot-riddled countries legally to avoid persecution by those who remember her visits during her first eight years as dictator of the Islahamic-infested United States of America and Arkansas.
When told by the Japanese Nikki's Gone Wild Stock Market Chairman, Yenzi Frenzi, that she "was no Jack Kennedy and neither was Big Blunt Wiley, her apron-sporting spouse", she cackled and spouted, "Evidently you don't read the Enquirer very often!", and handed him a copy with her notorious smirk on the cover.
The furious crowd, having lost everything, including their patience, pelted the envoy with live fish and burned their Nehru jackets in protest as she pulled her stretched oxcart through the blazing streets at breakneck speeds mowing people down screaming, "HANG ON HONEY!! I KNOW A SHORTCUT!"
Her official statement later was, "The visit was successful and the sushi better than ever. We toured the countryside but really didn't have the time we really needed. You know campaigning can be hectic at times".
Thursday, August 2, 2007
US TRUE AMERICAN ANTI-TERRORISTS CONFEDERACY FORCES
MARK YOUR CALENDAR FOR NEXT SATURDAY.
As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked, and that he must commit suicide immediately if he does.
So, next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort, two to three hours, depending on the size of your block and weight.
All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims, and to demonstrate they think it's okay to see nude women other than their of wife and to show support for all American women with the exception of Presidential hopefuls.
Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim terrorists sentiment.MARK YOUR CALENDAR FOR NEXT SATURDAY.
As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked, and that he must commit suicide immediately if he does.
So, next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort, two to three hours, depending on the size of your block and weight.
All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims, and to demonstrate they think it's okay to see nude women other than their of wife and to show support for all American women with the exception of Presidential hopefuls.
The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your patriotism and participation in this anti-terrorist activity.
God bless America! It is your patriotic duty to pass this on.
Admiral Ludwig von Blogue XVII
Anti-Terrorist Confederacy Forces Chairman
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
PORK BELLIES DOWN IN JAPAN, SINGAPORE, CHINA, INDONESIA AND PHILIPPINES DUE TO HICKORY ROADHAM SCARE!---HIROSHIMA---Seconds after the latest Forbidden City's Walled Street Journal report on the now-notorious "Hillary" name ban, pork bellies took a nosedive of catastrophic proportions earlier today leaving the Hand Sings and Nikki's Gone Wild Stock Markets in turmoil and shambles.
Hog Heaven International CEO and Democratic presidential combatant, Joe "Fore!" Bidden, released a hilarious statement concerning news on Far-Left (Non-East) Pork Barrel politics and his company's focus on their newest product, "Hillary's Duff-Bag Hickory-Flavored Pork Rinds" in every possible color, including "Fill-It-Buster-Hot-Cot-Fatigue-Green". With forbidding grimacing, the lucid, but frank politician claimed that his "new Hickory Duff Bag product was not even made from pork, but from a bio-miracle sludge produced by a sister's uncle's aunt's company managed by a new Toronto-based fabrication company that is underwritten by Good Lord's of London!, but owned by a Sub-Chapter X conglomerate that has AlGorerythyms, LLC as it's primary consultant.
Hog Heaven International CEO and Democratic presidential combatant, Joe "Fore!" Bidden, released a hilarious statement concerning news on Far-Left (Non-East) Pork Barrel politics and his company's focus on their newest product, "Hillary's Duff-Bag Hickory-Flavored Pork Rinds" in every possible color, including "Fill-It-Buster-Hot-Cot-Fatigue-Green". With forbidding grimacing, the lucid, but frank politician claimed that his "new Hickory Duff Bag product was not even made from pork, but from a bio-miracle sludge produced by a sister's uncle's aunt's company managed by a new Toronto-based fabrication company that is underwritten by Good Lord's of London!, but owned by a Sub-Chapter X conglomerate that has AlGorerythyms, LLC as it's primary consultant.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
