WHITE WATER PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE
"AND, FOR THE THIRD TIME IN THIS SPEECH, I SWEAR BY A GOD SOMEWHERE WHO IS NOT FOCUSED ON THIS PARTICULARLY CEASARISTIC SPEECH, THAT EVEN THOUGH I DO PERCEIVE MYSELF AS THE DECEITFUL BLONDE QUEEN THAT I AM, LIKE MY HUSBAND IS, THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO WORRY ABOUT! TRUST ME, WE WILL BEGIN TO PLAN SOMETHING AS SOON AS WE GET YOUR VOTE!! THANK YOU, AND DON'T FORGET, KEEP YOUR PLASTIC FORKS FOR THE NEXT $5000-A-PLATE DINNER."
PRIME PRIMITIVE POLITBURO CANDIDATES
"HELL, BITCH! I THOUGHT YOU JUST NEEDED A DAMNED OLE' RUNNING MATE, NOT SEASONED FAST FOOD SERVICE! WHAT UP GUILTORY, OR SHALL I CALL YOU QUEEN HICKTORIA?!!" "OH, COME ON PAJAMA BAMA, YOU AND LITTLE OLE' ME, AND THE FULL MOON. I MEAN, GODDAMMIT! AM I THAT HORRIBLE A CREATURE WHEN THE SUN SHINES ON THE ROSE GARDEN? HAVE I BEANED YOU WITH A MING VASE AT FIFTY YARDS YET?"
BEHIND THE SCENES OF THE SEQUEL, "THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST WING"
"HOLLYWOOD MONGRELS ARE BANKING ON HICKORY ROADHAM'S THIRTY-ONE PERSONALITY CHANGES THAT COINCIDES WITH MOON PHASES. BASED ON SCIENTOLOGY RESEARCH, HER PERFORMANCE SHOULD BREAK ALL RECORDS OF DECEIT, BARELY EDGING OUT HER ROADKILL MANAGER, BILGE CLINTON, AND RAKE IN ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY A MATCHING LIBRARY, DAN LATHER REPORTING."
CAULDRON EXPLOSION BAFFLES AIR FORCE
"IT'S POSITIVELY A MIXTURE OF METHYL MERCURIC HYDROGEN SULFIDE, GLOBAL WARMING JELLYFISH RADIATION, MUTANT MOAT TOAD URINE AND TONS OF HATE MAIL INK IN THE TOXIC MOAT WATER! DAN LATHER REPORTING."
COME ON IN, THE MOAT WATER'S FINE!
"THAT CROCODILE SUNDEE DUNGEON SUIT COST ME FOUR THOUSAND BUCKS, SO DON'T GET BITTEN!" "OKAY, ROSI. GET THE HIGH-HEELED FINS I BROUGHT YOU. IT'LL BE EASIER TO CATCH THE CROCS FOR HABANERO JERKEY SNACKS. THEY'RE REAL HOT!"
54M MOAT TSUNAMI KILLS 20 REPORTERS
"HUNDREDS MISSING INCLUDING THREE HUNDRED ILLEGAL ALIENS WHO ARRIVED YESTERDAY FOR AMNESTY AND MOAT CLEANING. PARIS HILT'EM CLAIMS ROSIWELL OH,DONALD! WAS JUST TRYING OUT NEW HIGH HEELS. DAN LATHER, REPORTING."
PARIS HILT'EM 54M DUNGEON INN BUTTIQUE
"HELLO, PARIS, THIS IS ROSIWELL, LOVE THE NEOPRENE BLACK. SAVE A PAIR FOR ME, SIZE 13, NO, DAT'S DA WIDTH, DAMMIT!!"
INCIDENT AT ROSIWELL - AREA 54,000
"I SWEAR TO YOU ADMIRAL!! SAW THE BLOODY BEAST WIT ME OWN BLEEDING EYE! THE SHIP SURFED ATOP THE WAVE AT FIFTY KNOTS, SIR!! AND THROUGH THE GREEN MUCK I SAW THE MONSTER GRAB CROCODILIANS AT WILL AND GATHER'EM UP IN HEAPS IN THE COVE BEACH! AYE, SIR!"
LEGENDARY SEA MONSTER THERAPIST
"ADMIRAL von BLOGUE, SIR! YOUR ANCESTOR'S PAINTING IN YOUR QUARTERS IS THE ONLY SURVIVING PIECE, SIR! AYE, NOT NARY AS MUCH AS A DROP OF MOAT WATER DID IT HAVE UPON IT, SIR!"
COMMANDER'S LOG - SCARDATE 1659
"THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE CLIPPER SHIP 'SLENDER THIGHS'. ITS FIVE YEAR MISSION, TO SEEK OUT NEW NIGHTLIFE, NEW MANIFESTATIONS. TO BATTLE SEA MONSTERS, SCOURGE, INFLICT WILL, PAIN, SUFFERING, RELIGION AND DISEASE UPON THOSE IN NEW LANDS. TO BRASHLY GO WHERE NO FOOL HAS GONE BEFORE!"
LEX TELIONUS GALLAXY ICU
BIG BROTHER, CAN YOU SPARE MORE CRIME? - PAID FOR BY HICKORY ROADHAM CLINTON - EYE FOR AN EYE, AND ONE ON YOUR INCOME - HAMURABI CODE - VOTE DEMOCRATIC, SUCKERS!
THE PARROT DALI-MATIONS VIEW
"DREAM OF THE PARODIES - DALI WANT A CRACKER, MY CHERI?"
GALATEA OF THE SPHERES - 1952 - S. DALI
"WORLDS WITHIN WORLDS, AMEN - BEYOND THE HIZA THEORY"
ASTRONOMER, PHYSICIST, ELUCIDATER, EXPLORER, REVOLUTIONARY PROGRESSIVE
"THE CANVUS INSCRIPTION READS, 'TEA TIME FOR TWO, WELL, MAKE IT ONE. THE AUBURN SCALP I'M WEARING BELONGED TO THIS HEAD-HUNTING CARPETBAGGER FROM ILLINOIS BY THE NAME OF PACKEMIN PHASTER ROADHAM I'. HICKORY IS HIS DIRECT DESCENDANT ACCORDING TO DAN LATHER'S GREAT,GREAT GRANDFATHER". "AYE, ADMIRAL, 'TIS A BIT SCARY, WITH ME ONLY BLOODY EYE, I SEE IT, SIR, AYE."
TALIBAN WAR CONCERTO IN SAND MAJOR
"HEY, KRAPDULE, WE PLAY ONE MORE FOR OLD TIMES? ONLY ONE."
PROFIT MUDHAMMAD -- sales@snakeoil.bomb
"HEYZEUS, YOUR DADDY'S GONNA BE PISSED IF YOU LET OLE SNAKE OIL AL GET IN THE HEN HOUSE, DAMMIT!!"
THY WILL BE DONE - WELL DONE!
"BUT DEESE SWORD EESE FOR MY 72 VIRGIN OIL SHEIKABOB RECIPE, MY FRIEND, I SWEAR TO YOU, A TRUE GOD. I'LL CHANGE MY NAME! ANYTHING! PLEASE GOD!!!"
MISTRESS BEAKER CALLS HOUSE TO ORDER
"SUE ROSIWELL OH,DONALD! FOR INALIENABLE VISITATION RIGHTS TO OUR ILLEGAL ALIEN BABY, BISARATOPS, YESTERDAY AT HIGH MOON FMT(FALLOPIAN MEANIES TIME), IMMEDIATELY!!"
THE SAINT JACK DECIPHERING CODES
"WELL SON, WE PUMPED OUT THE PARISH, BUT EVEN WITH THAT NEW ANTI-MATTER-PROPELLED 2000-CYLINDER HAZZARDSUKI, WE STILL CAN'T PUMP OUT LOGA'S HOLE . I GIVE UP, YOU KEEP TRYIN', ANCHOVIE."
FALLOPIAN GALLAXY TRANSFORMERETTE
"THIS IS ROSIWELL OH,DONALD! AGAIN, SEND ELKSA, HER TWO RACKS AND HER SISTER BACK OVER TO 54M, OH YEAH, AND ANOTHER CASE OF ELIPTITUBE LITHIUM-BASED FRAGRANT BEARING GREASE, PRONTO. PUT IT ON MY TAB."
PARIS HILT'EM CELLMATE, HESHEEBA OSAUNA PLUKEDULE
"HOW COME ZEY DEEDN'T FIND ZEES DURING YOUR BOTAMLEESE CLAVICLE SEARCH, MON PARI? EESE LEAK LIKE A SEWER SIEVE!"
DON'T CRY FOR ME, VELVEETA!! #X{[($$)]}!! WAIT 'TIL I GET MY HANES ON YOU, LEZBETH HACKLESBERRY!!
![DON'T CRY FOR ME, VELVEETA!! #X{[($$)]}!! WAIT 'TIL I GET MY HANES ON YOU, LEZBETH HACKLESBERRY!!](http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger2/8041/696217013832487/692/z/91586/gse_multipart26419.jpg)
SPACED FOR RENT! TWELVE HECTARES OF DESERTED PLUMMAGE.
ROSIWELL OH,DONALD! GIVES BIRTH TO 178LB 9OZ ALIEN!!
BISARATOPS OH,DONALD! -- ROSIWELL INCIDENT AT AREA 54,000
MEGATOT BITECH MULCH & DEHYDRATION CO.
"YES, MISS OH,DONALD!, WE DELIVER AND IT IS ALSO AN EXPRESSO MACHINE AND JERKY DEHYDRATOR, A HAY BAILER AND HIDE TANNER. MAY I GET AN AUTOGRAPH FOR MY WIFE, PLEASE?"
WEEKEND CAMPING TRIP PREPARATION
"GET THAT END WITH THE CRANE, I'LL LIFT THIS END. ELLEN, JUST BACK THE TRUCK UNDERNEATH SO I CAN GO TO THE DUNGEON AND FINISH PACKING MORE GROCERIES."
FLESH PUDDLE WITH CURTAIN DRAWN
"MIRROR, MIRROR, OFF THE WALL . . .
"WHY IN DAMNATION AND HELL DO YOU KEEP CRACKING!?!"
ZOOLOGISTS FLOCK TO ROSI'S MOAT
"WHADDAYA MEAN YA'LL WANT YOUR MONEY BACK, HELL, YA BEEN EAT'NUM SINCE LAST MONTH! NOW GET OUTTA HEYA, DAMMIT!!"
UNSPECIFIED , UNCHARTED AND UNKNOWN MOAT REGION - AREA 54M
"ADMIRAL, RECONNAISSANCE REPORTS THREE MORE ISLANDS DUE WEST OF THIS ONE, SIR. THEY DISCOVERED A RECESSED MESOZOIC VOLCANO CAP THAT WOULD ACCOMODATE OUR BASE AND YOUR STUDIO, SIR. THE MOAT SEEMS TO BE EXPANDING, SIR." "GOOD WORK, KIRK, THE GPS SYSTEM IS PROBABLY GETTING FALSE SIGNALS FROM LAST WEEK'S SOLAR FLARES INTERACTING WITH THE MOAT'S CHEMICAL COMPOSITION AND ROSI'S NUCLEAR TOILET FLUSH EARLIER. SET UP THE STUDIO FIRST." "AYE, SIR!"
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