NEWS IN BRIEFS . . .
Don Imust broad casted incendiary obscenities again today, when Greenpieces volunteers discovered that his lead-lined, seventy-hectare hate-mail archives vault had developed leaking cracks and could beam devastating radio hate-waves to Earthly polar regions. Based on a new study by a Portland-based extremists group, To Alarms! The Green Coats Are Coming!, antagonists claim the deadly rays will intensify global warming that have suddenly become politically-trendy platforms.
His briefs reached the AlGoreRythyms Inactivity Research Center in Dead Horse, Alaska where they found the former VP planting seeds within the Inuit Breeders Cup Fanny Club. The former Tennessean claims he knew all along what Don Imust meant about "nappy-headed hos" and reinvented the quote: "he simply meant digging implements wearing diapers on their heads. And according to my Collin's Magnified Edition Dictionary, this is technically correct. And Al Sharptone will not be running on my ticket as you may have heard, hell, I'd never get a word in edgewise."
When asked about his shrinking waistline possibly indicating a presidential bid for office, he glanced at his Inuit spokeswoman, Spokahaunches, and said he "was not making a decision until that Antarctic penguin that's 3000 miles off course, due north, is safely back home. Now, if you excuse us, I must plant this GPS unit on a runaway glacier."
Don Imust broad casted incendiary obscenities again today, when Greenpieces volunteers discovered that his lead-lined, seventy-hectare hate-mail archives vault had developed leaking cracks and could beam devastating radio hate-waves to Earthly polar regions. Based on a new study by a Portland-based extremists group, To Alarms! The Green Coats Are Coming!, antagonists claim the deadly rays will intensify global warming that have suddenly become politically-trendy platforms.
His briefs reached the AlGoreRythyms Inactivity Research Center in Dead Horse, Alaska where they found the former VP planting seeds within the Inuit Breeders Cup Fanny Club. The former Tennessean claims he knew all along what Don Imust meant about "nappy-headed hos" and reinvented the quote: "he simply meant digging implements wearing diapers on their heads. And according to my Collin's Magnified Edition Dictionary, this is technically correct. And Al Sharptone will not be running on my ticket as you may have heard, hell, I'd never get a word in edgewise."
When asked about his shrinking waistline possibly indicating a presidential bid for office, he glanced at his Inuit spokeswoman, Spokahaunches, and said he "was not making a decision until that Antarctic penguin that's 3000 miles off course, due north, is safely back home. Now, if you excuse us, I must plant this GPS unit on a runaway glacier."
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